1) Customer: 'My disk ran out of space when trying to save my Word document, so I changed it from double spaced to single spaced and it still wouldn't fit!'
2) Advisor: 'Press any key to continue.
Customer: I can't find the 'Any' key.
3) Great Vision
3a) Tech Support: 'Ok, in the bottom left of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
3b) Advisor: Can you click on 'My Computer'?
Customer: I don't have your computer, just mine.
3c) Advisor: You have Spyware on your machine which is causing the problem.
Customer: Spyware? Can they see me getting dressed through the monitor?
3d) Customer: My family in Australia use BT Softphone, I can see them but they can't see me.
Advisor: What brand is your webcam?
Customer: What's a webcam?
4) No Saving Grace
Customer: 'All my files I saved last week to my C: drive are missing!'
Tech Support: 'Do you remember what directory you first saved them in?'
Customer: 'No, I don't . I just know it was on my C: drive.'
Tech Support: 'Ok, I'll walk you through how to find the files.'
Customer: 'I wouldn't think I would be losing files on this computer. Gee, I just had the hard drive replaced in it yesterday.'
5) Tricky Install
Customer: 'Do I need a computer to use your software?'
Tech Support: 'Ok, I can help you install the software. Would you like me to do that?'
Customer: 'Yes.'
Tech Support: 'All right, can you insert the disk in the disk drive please?'
Customer: 'How?'
Tech Support: 'Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer.'
Customer: 'Will I have to have my computer delivered before we can do this'
Tech Support: 'Um yes, that might be an idea.'
6) Customer: My iPod will only play one song.
Advisor: Which other tracks have you downloaded from iTunes?
Customer: Do I need to download tracks?
7) Tech Support: 'Have you made backups of your software and data?'
Customer: 'I didn't know it had a reverse.'
8) Customer: How do I change channel on my monitor?
Advisor: Your monitor won't have channels like a TV.
Customer: But I was watching the internet channel the other day and now I just get the word processing channel.
9) Customer: My mouse mat isn't wired up.
Advisor: I'm not sure I understand, your mouse mat shouldn't have any wires.
Customer: Well how does it know where my mouse is? Is it wireless?
Another Batch of Funny Support Calls
Give Microsoft a chance
Customer: 'I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word.'
Tech Support: 'Tell me what You've done.'
Customer: 'I typed A:SETUP.'
Tech Support: 'Ma' am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.'
Customer: 'It says [PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'.
Tech Support: 'Insert the MS Word setup disk.'
Customer: 'What?'
Tech Support: 'Did you buy Microsoft Word?'
Customer: 'No...'
Dial Tone
Tech Support: 'Thank you for calling. May I have your phone number beginning with area code first, please?' There was a pregnant pause, then a series of touch tones.
Tech Support: 'Hello? I need your phone number, please'. More touch tones.
Tech Support: 'Hi, can you hear me?'
Customer: 'Yes.'
Tech Support: 'Great, then can you please tell me your phone number so I can pull up your file?' More touch tones.
Tech Support: 'Sir, what's your name?'
Customer: Malcolm
Tech Support: 'Great, now can you tell me your phone number?' Touch tones again.
Tech Support: 'Please, tell me your phone number.'
Customer: 'Again?'
Tech Support: 'Yes sir, if you don't mind, but can you please just tell me verbally?' Touch tones yet again.
Tech Support: 'Sir, contrary to popular opinion, support is not half machine. I'll need you to verbally tell me your phone number with your mouth so I can bring up your account info, got it?'
Customer: 'You people are rude as well as incompetent.'
(from www.guy-sports.com)
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